I have a lot of insecurities

And I mean a lot

Anything from my toes to head

All of it 

It's taking all of what I got

For it to not leave me dead

I have marks on my hips

Had them since I was a child

No idea where they came from

But it's getting harder to smile

About everyday things that used to leave me happy

When now all I'm feeling is hostile

Words hurt more than anything

Fatty, whore, dog

It makes me wonder where I went wrong

Was I not nice enough?

Or is God's wrath on me

Whatever it is, times now are getting tough

‘Cause we're getting close to summer, and I'm scared to wear swimsuits

‘Cause of what happened last summer

All of the negativity coming off her

Rubbed off on me.

She didn't have to make fun

But she did

And now the trauma can never be undone

It's as if a worm of worry worked its way in my heart

Causing anxiety, depression, tearing me apart

Never before had I been so alone

In the times of yesterday so long ago

I had moved to a new school 

Where everyone was rude

Not only words, but actions

Making me feel scared and panicked

What had I done to my parents

To make them send me into this havoc?

It never stops, it never ends

The pain and burning of execution

Making it so hard to pretend!

That everything’s alright.

But I'm not

I know I'm not and that's not right

It's not normal to be dying inside

Whilst having a smile and trying to provide, comfort for others 

For my friends, who cry at school

For my sister, who still is only a toddler

Maybe if I try … I can become better

I can put on make-up, covering my face

Wear baggy clothes, to hide my disgrace

Will it change how others look at me?

Or will it only be more fuel for their fire

To laugh and to mock, is their desire 

The hallways are a mess

Crowded by teenagers, all shoving and throwing insults

Do they not realize what impact it could have on the lesser of us?

Literally being scared by actions

Knives, ropes, scissors and guns in the waiting

For that final word… to have its reaction

But what do adults expect us to do?

Deal with it, to push through?

We can't, not alone. 

We need to support each other, not just postpone

The cyclone of emotion waiting to be released

Just to be heard, to have a voice

Is what I want. 

I want to hear others say they’re not good

To hear their words of anger, and to be understood

To join them, to rise above the insecurities 

To show them all

That they were wrong!

We are not just trash to be thrown away

We have value, thoughts, show we are strong

To live through the tough times of our world! 

We give it our all, to show we are no longer afraid

To be bold!

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I have insecurities, I know I do

As do others, I know I'm not the only one

Who thinks badly about themselves, wanting to pursue

Maybe we, maybe I can change

Learn to love ourselves the way we are

To let go of the old

And embrace the new

I used to have insecurities

Now I have all of you

Who understand